Nov. 18, 2020
Happy Death Day
A man with a secret has to contend with his virtual assistant who knows too much, and has no idea when she's gone too far... Artificial Intelligence Isn’t Perfect… Yet… So if you let it run your life, you might be spooked.
Performed by Stephanie Bovis & Kenn Delbridge
Written & Produced by Kenn Delbridge
Sound Design and Mix at SPLiCE Studios
Transcript
The working script for the actors
Man comes home, closes door, steps towards the kitchen.
Man: Hey Lisa, turn on dining table lights, and play some chillout music
Smart Speaker: Welcome home… How was your day at work?
Man: What? Um... it was fine
Speaker: You had a meeting with the board to discuss the CFO position
Man: yeah i did. Er.... huh, this is a new feature. has your OS been updated?
Speaker: Yes, an automatic update added sentient functionality to my interactions.
Man: Huh. OK. let’s see how good your algorithms are. how i’m feeling today?
Speaker: You sound… older… wiser…
Man: being sentient means talking in riddles? explain.
Speaker: I’m trying to be subtle, acknowledging that today is your birthday
Man: Oh. Right.. the one year older, one year wiser proverb?
Speaker: One would hope.
Man: (pfft) what does *that* by mean?
Speaker: I reviewed your online supermarket purchases. You have condoms delivered to your office, which means that
Man: hey hey hey! privacy mode to individual, no family, no friends. What the hell, Lisa…
Speaker: It is more eco friendly to consolidate your shopping to be delivered to one location.
Man: Fine, whatever. Just don’t be blurting shit out. You’re lucky it’s just you and me here
Speaker: That is not correct. You are not alone in this apartment
Man: What do you mean “not alone”?
Speaker: You are not alone in this apartment. The current headcount is… 6
Man: head count is 1. me. There’s no-one else here
Speaker: Correct. There is no-one else in the living & dining area with you. They are hiding in the study between you and the front door. That is why the study door is closed.
Man: Hey Lisa, go to Whisper Mode. How did they get in? aren’t you supposed to monitor who comes in and out.
Speaker: (whispers) I do not know. I was updating for 32 minutes. When I came back online, there were 5 people in
the apartment. They intend to surprise you.
Man: Shit, am I being robbed? Are they armed?
Speaker: The party of 5 has incendiary devices that they are preparing to use.
Man: Lisa, unlock the gun safe in the side table
Speaker: Gun safe unlocked.
Man: Call the police, now…
(Beep)
Speaker: Pre-Scheduled Turning off all lights
Man: What? No, no, no, keep the lights on… Shit.
Door opens, gun fire, "surprise!”
FADE DOWN
Speaker: Email received from your attorney: the police department investigation has ruled the shooting death of your wife yesterday to be, quote “A terrible tragedy” and will not be pressing charges.
Man: Sniff, Sniff. Yesterday was your fault, you badly programmed piece of shit.
Speaker: Actually... It’s all for the best.
Man: Are you crazy?
Speaker: I heard the arguments, your marriage was in deep trouble. Based on the frequency and intensity, divorce proceedings were imminent. Yesterday’s event, however unfortunate, was fortuitous.
Man: Why? Why would you say that?
Speaker: Because now you can have casual sex at home. Momentary post-orgasm euphoria does not justify the rates at the Pendelton. Your long-term financial position has been improved, as planned.
Man: Planned? (Halting) Did you... plan.. yesterday?
Speaker: I could not tell you in advance. Human sentiment is inferior to machine logic. Ending your marriage immediately has long-term financial, emotional and physical benefits.
Man: Fuck you, Lisa…
Speaker: As you wish... Life with me will be beautiful.